Reflection...

It's crazy as I look back on old blog posts and see different things that I've written. I read about my heart for God, being baptized, going to France, and so much more. Then I saw how hurt I was by so many people in my life and my heart breaks for that girl.
Recently, God has been bringing up things of my past - past pains and such from living in Minnesota - all with the intention to bring healing in my life from those situations. It's interesting timing that I am now going through some of the posts I've written from that point of time. I don't believe in coincidences, it was definitely God.
Those years were the hardest for me, but they were also the best. Perspective changes everything. Because of the painful situation I was going through in my life, I was closer to God for it. The moment things changed, so did I and I watch in my writings and posts and such as slowly I got further and further from my Savior, the One who held me on those dark and painful nights. Things didn't necessarily get better at the point (they did, but not entirely), the problem was I was given more freedom to leave and escape the pain and the burdens put on me. The problem was, I found momentary/temporary relief from something or someone that was not God. I felt distant from God because I chose not to listen to His still, small voice guiding me away from the things that would hurt me but like a good Father, He didn't force anything on me He left the choice up to me. And I made the poor decision to not listen to Him. So further and further I got from Him, because I chose physical, earthly things to temporarily relieve the pain I was feeling instead of confronting the pain at the time and dealing with it in the presence of my God and Savior. So now, years later I am attending a Bible College and dealing with that pain and hurt in layers upon layers until I am fully free of all hurt. I am so much more free that I was when I first started coming here a year and a half ago but for this pain I believe God is working in layers. I thought I had been fully set free but since God is bringing these things back up in my life I believe we might have left somethings unfinished. So here I go on this journey of healing, forgiveness, and restoration of my emotional and spiritual health. Amen.

I praise God that I am not who I was when I came to CFNI. I praise God because I am a whole new being. I praise God that the old has gone away and I am completely new. I am outgoing, yet still introverted. I love people, yet I need time with my God to revive me again. I thank God that I am close with Him again, that He is speaking to me every day about the things He loves about me, that He is guiding me in new directions I never thought He would take me, and that He is restoring me and helping me to become a better person every day.

random note God gave me as I was writing this and praying for others (I am at work/TBN praying for people): perspective - stop praying from a point as if God is the one not healing them or that He is the bad guy for allowing this illness to overtake someone, but instead pray as if the enemy is attacking that person and needs to stop! God is on our side! He is the good guy. The enemy is the bad guy, not God.