How To Pray

I've been struggling lately. Spiritually struggling. Searching for something to hold onto even though I know God is there I am still searching for something else. Something physical, perhaps. My faith forgotten, so I walk alone. Cold. Shivering. Alone. I go to church but for the wrong reasons. I pray lukewarm prayers for me and only me. I've become selfish in this time. I've even commit adultery in my heart and mind. I've allowed myself to break so much that all hope has slipped through the cracks of my broken soul. I've allowed myself to get angry over stupid things. I've allowed myself to hate for stupid reasons. I woke up today deciding to give up on life. Because to me, all hope is gone.
That's when I heard this faint whisper. How cliché, right? I know He wants me to pray, but the words are not there. I tried last night and cried myself to sleep. Surely sleep would be what I need and I'd wake up and everything will be better again. Boy was I wrong. Images of how I'd end life flash before my eyes. I was ready to give up.
Again the whisper. I need to pray. Where are the words? I forgot how to pray. I was told a long time again that if I can't find the words to pray read a Psalm. I tried and it wasn't fitting. What do I do now? This morning as I rolled out of bed, I remembered a book I had gotten a year ago about the power of an ordinary prayer. Funny, that's what its called. I never got around to reading it last year, but maybe that's because I needed it now and not then. It's conveniently unpacked and on my book shelf already too. How nice.
I read the introduction and the first two pages in the first chapter. I learned nothing yet, but I feel better already. It's because I've found hope.
I grab an empty journal from my shelf (also conveniently unpacked--literally the only few things in my room that is) and begin to write a prayer. One that I would pray daily. One that I would pray if I ever lost the words again.

Prayer is no little thing. It must come from the heart. In a time like this, it must be given time, and a pen and paper.

Jesus,
I am so broken. I need you. I'm sorry I've let myself get this far. I'm sorry I've been so distant. I'm sorry I've failed. Thank you for your patience and your mercy. I ask for so much of it every day. Thank you for loving me even though I am so sinful. Lord, you are good to me, even though I am so undeserving of your goodness. I need you. Lord, I feel so hopeless. Like I've let all hope go.