Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Learning How to Cope

It's really hard living here. And I know I've said it a thousand times, but I miss living in Arizona. My best friend is living the life I have always dreamed of having - one that I can't have here in Minnesota.
She sings at church, she works at the church café, she volunteers to work with the children and/or preteens, the youth pastor loves her, she has close friends inside youth, she has gone to camp with the church nearly a dozen times, and she is wanted and known in her church.
Those are all the things I've dreamed of.
Those are still all the things I dream of.
It's really hard because even if we did move back to Arizona things will be so different. One of my friends is graduating this year. But that is only a small thing. All my friends have grown up without me. Whereas I have been stuck here, not living.
I have a really hard time with this. (So hard that I am supposed to be doing school right now (and if mom finds out that I am not doing it, oh boy!) but I cannot think/see through the tears.)
Why did we have to leave?
The story is that my Dad's work moved us back. But what if there is more to the story?
Mom says God didn't want us to move but man's will got in the way of God's.
Could it be true?
The thought of that alone brings another round of tears, therefore we will not open that can of worms right now.

My life here in Minnesota hasn't been all bad though. Sometimes I need to remember these things and they help.
For example:
-I've gone to FRANCE!! I probably would have never made it there living in Arizona (I mean seriously, Arizona is so awesome -  why would anyone want to leave?)
-We would never have met Lucie (our French friend)
-We saved a little girls life! She got lost at the mall and went outside to look for her parents. She was heading for the road.
-We got to know family better!
-I played a large role in my Aunt's life - she nearly got an abortion!
-I have made some pretty great friends! They have been very supportive throughout my difficult times.
-Would we have ever heard of THM??
-I am the Editor in Chief of a newsletter in my Homeschool Group!
Once I count all the blessings, things here don't seem so bad after all. My life in Arizona will just have to wait. I am learning how to cope. It isn't easy, and I expect a lot more times where I fall helplessly to the ground in hopes that if I fall far enough I'd make it down to Arizona. But I just need to remember that God is really good at making beauty from ashes.
Please pray for me and my family. I know a lot of people don't understand how this feels and I don't expect you to. All I ask is for some grace and prayers. Thank you!


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